what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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