People in love make me want to vomit
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
