You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
