i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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