My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
