I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She even gives head with a lisp.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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