I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
