but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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