my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
