every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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