do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
