Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
