so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
