Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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