I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
