The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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