if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
