I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
