Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
