Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
