Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
