my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
don't judge my taste in strippers
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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