here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
