guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
