I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
