Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
