im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
