I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
