So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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