I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She even gives head with a lisp.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
