she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
