you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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