I'm gonna have a badass scar
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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