I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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