fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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