I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
