Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
