I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
