I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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