the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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