I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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