I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
