he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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