So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
