I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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