Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
