Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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