I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
