I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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