I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
